Somewhere between Europe and Asia, plumbing becomes sketchier. While I haven't traveled much in Central Asia, I know that Istanbul sported both the flush and squat varieties of toilet, while India and Nepal mostly boasted that infamous hole in the ground with a couple of indications on either side vaguely shaped like shoes.
If you are thinking this is ridiculous, actually, it's quite efficient. It makes perfect sense if you've grown up with it. More than once, in more modern bathrooms in Nepal and India, I would find footprints on the toilet seat of a flush toilet from locals who had never though of SITTING on one before. So the confusion goes both ways.
Upon first encounter, this can be daunting for westerners. But have no fear. In a few simple steps, you can master the squat toilet. Trust me, a white American girl who managed to not only do it, but do it in a sari, without soiling herself. (Please note: Sari-peeing is expert level. Do not attempt until you have spent several months practicing with traditional western clothing). My instructions will be most helpful for women, though I imagine men will find this useful in certain situations.
Step 1: Assess the paper situation.
This step really starts before you leave your home/hotel/hostel. ALWAYS take care to have extra tissue/toilet paper in your purse. Paper is either an optional or precious commodity, depending on the city.
When you arrive at the commode, examine the surroundings. Is there paper? Is it adequate? If not, and if you forgot to bring some, it may be necessary to borrow from a kind neighbor. This is possible in Turkey, but in India you are out of luck. You will have to adopt the traditional hand-and-bucket method if you forgot to bring your own.
Step 2: Arrange belongings for optimal squatting success.
Your toilet may not have a hook for bags. It may not even have a door. This is easily handled by draping the purse/handbag/sack around the back of the neck, like so:
Note: do not hang the purse strap around the FRONT of your throat. Not only is this a choking hazard, but if the strap is long enough, the purse is likely to dangle in something unpleasant as you are squatting.
Step 3: The warm-up.
With clothes on, place your feet on the (hopefully) textured rim of the toilet, and squat over the intended target. Bend the knees and assess placement of the corresponding exit and entrance holes. As in classic squat: chest up, tailbone pushed back, knees directly over ankles, like so:
Those with weak quadricep muscles may find this step challenging, but I encourage you to power through. If possible, train prior to traveling. If not possible...just remind yourself what lies directly below your precious parts, and call upon inner resolve.
Step 4: Disrobe.
Not entirely. In fact, as little as possible. Bring whatever needs to come up to the waist, and whatever needs to go down to the knees and NO FURTHER! Dropping trou is a classic rookie mistake. But look at that floor. Do you want your unmentionables touching that...unmentionable? You do not. Bend the knees and tuck the clothing nicely into the crease behind them.
Step 5. Squat.
Do what you came to do.
Step 6: The Clean Escape.
Do not-I repeat, do not come out of squat. Wipe, drop, wipe again, and then FIRST pull up the clothing at the knees, THEN pull down the clothing at the waist.
Step 7: Dismount.
Do not touch anything. Seriously, I don't care how bad your balance is, call on your inner yogi and step off that toilet without supporting yourself.
Step 8: Touch nothing.
This is actually the beauty of the squat toilet. You do not need to contact anything other than your own body parts, if performed properly.
Step 9: Use hand cleanser anyway.
I mean, you just did your business. Be polite. I recommend tea tree oil, which does not kill good bacteria, and is a natural antiseptic.
Step 10: Check for trailers, drippers, and clingers before leaving.
Assess the location of the wipe. Is it down the hole? Then you're golden. Are clothes in their proper place? Any damp spots that may need to be addressed?
Reposition the purse in your preferred location, smile, and continue on your touristy way.
Upon first encounter, this can be daunting for westerners. But have no fear. In a few simple steps, you can master the squat toilet. Trust me, a white American girl who managed to not only do it, but do it in a sari, without soiling herself. (Please note: Sari-peeing is expert level. Do not attempt until you have spent several months practicing with traditional western clothing). My instructions will be most helpful for women, though I imagine men will find this useful in certain situations.
Step 1: Assess the paper situation.
This step really starts before you leave your home/hotel/hostel. ALWAYS take care to have extra tissue/toilet paper in your purse. Paper is either an optional or precious commodity, depending on the city.
When you arrive at the commode, examine the surroundings. Is there paper? Is it adequate? If not, and if you forgot to bring some, it may be necessary to borrow from a kind neighbor. This is possible in Turkey, but in India you are out of luck. You will have to adopt the traditional hand-and-bucket method if you forgot to bring your own.
Step 2: Arrange belongings for optimal squatting success.
Your toilet may not have a hook for bags. It may not even have a door. This is easily handled by draping the purse/handbag/sack around the back of the neck, like so:
Note: do not hang the purse strap around the FRONT of your throat. Not only is this a choking hazard, but if the strap is long enough, the purse is likely to dangle in something unpleasant as you are squatting.
Step 3: The warm-up.
With clothes on, place your feet on the (hopefully) textured rim of the toilet, and squat over the intended target. Bend the knees and assess placement of the corresponding exit and entrance holes. As in classic squat: chest up, tailbone pushed back, knees directly over ankles, like so:
Those with weak quadricep muscles may find this step challenging, but I encourage you to power through. If possible, train prior to traveling. If not possible...just remind yourself what lies directly below your precious parts, and call upon inner resolve.
Step 4: Disrobe.
Not entirely. In fact, as little as possible. Bring whatever needs to come up to the waist, and whatever needs to go down to the knees and NO FURTHER! Dropping trou is a classic rookie mistake. But look at that floor. Do you want your unmentionables touching that...unmentionable? You do not. Bend the knees and tuck the clothing nicely into the crease behind them.
Step 5. Squat.
Do what you came to do.
Step 6: The Clean Escape.
Do not-I repeat, do not come out of squat. Wipe, drop, wipe again, and then FIRST pull up the clothing at the knees, THEN pull down the clothing at the waist.
Step 7: Dismount.
Do not touch anything. Seriously, I don't care how bad your balance is, call on your inner yogi and step off that toilet without supporting yourself.
Step 8: Touch nothing.
This is actually the beauty of the squat toilet. You do not need to contact anything other than your own body parts, if performed properly.
Step 9: Use hand cleanser anyway.
I mean, you just did your business. Be polite. I recommend tea tree oil, which does not kill good bacteria, and is a natural antiseptic.
Step 10: Check for trailers, drippers, and clingers before leaving.
Assess the location of the wipe. Is it down the hole? Then you're golden. Are clothes in their proper place? Any damp spots that may need to be addressed?
Reposition the purse in your preferred location, smile, and continue on your touristy way.
